A Graduating Senior Finds Simplicity More Important than Success
At U.Va., there is so much success all around that there is a lot of pressure to measure up. My first year, I got rejected a lot. By second semester, I felt pretty down about my future at U.Va. But oh, how a little success changes things. When I found myself the recipient of several awards and a research grant during my 2nd year, I suddenly had people ask me what I was going to do to build up my Lawn application. Previously, I hadn’t even considered that I might have the credentials for a Lawn room. These comments left me both prideful of my accomplishments and concerned about how to make myself stand out.
The example and counsel of close Christian brothers and frequent reminders of my brokenness and God’s grace went to work on me. I eventually tacked up the lines “Jesus cast a look on me/Give me sweet simplicity” above my desk. In my close friends, I saw both guys who had little recognition, and did not pursue it, and guys who had a lot of recognition, but thought little of it. Eventually I came to peace with what God had given me to do at U.Va. and the ways in which I might serve him. But, I still have the words to “Jesus Cast a Look On Me” as a reminder.
(By the way, I didn’t bother applying for the Lawn. I had a great time living with a few good friends.)
How do you maintain your faith while juggling classes, extracurriculars, and a social life? First off, I’d say that it’s hard. College is not designed to further your walk with God, and a lot of people here may simply lead you astray. I had to seek out people who cared for me and were bold enough to speak tough truth to me. I also put myself into places where my faith might be nurtured. While “activity does not equal spirituality,” it’s also very difficult to grow in faith without being in the body of the church.
What advice would you give to incoming freshman?
-Friendships are about quality, not quantity. But for a while, quantitymay be necessary to find quality.
-Go to the Center for Christian Study Move-in day luncheon. There is a great Christian community here at U.Va. and the luncheon is a great way to get plugged in. I didn’t even know about it. But if I had been there, I would have met the guys that are now my best friends a little earlier.
-Rush: It’s a deeply flawed and exclusionary process. I’m not saying not to do it. Probably half my friends are in Greek organizations that have contributed a lot to their time here. But just understand that there is little redeeming about the process of rush.
-Make sure you have TWO box fans for move-in day.
-Practice doing the laundry before you leave home.
-Karen Marsh’s tea will make any day better.
-Will Jungman, U.Va. ‘09
How to Strengthen Rather than Abandon Your Faith at College
The most difficult issue I have encountered while at college was trusting individuals enough to take our friendship to deeper levels beyond casual and surface conversations to really be open with them about my life, concerns, fears, and struggles. It was difficult to find a friend I could trust to be transparent to. I had to overcome this by really throwing myself in the deep end and making myself vulnerable. One night in conversation I raised the stakes and put myself out there with someone I had somewhat known, felt out, and who had been trustworthy to that point. He reciprocated and a healthy, deep, friendship developed beyond what we had. It cured my issue of feeling so alone even though I knew so many people.
I maintain my faith through classes, extracurriculars, and a social life with use of many tools. I learned early on that there is not one ultimate trick to strong faith in college but rather many personal disciplines that are necessary. I found a church to faithfully attend that preached a challenging Gospel. I was a part of a student Christian fellowship and small group Bible study. I also made deep friendships with peers that were all centered on our faith and growing it. Internally, I had to force myself into the spiritual disciplines of daily quiet time, prayer, and study of the word. All of the external things will have no real affect without personal, solitary time with God.
The advice I give to all incoming freshmen is to choose their friends. So many students quickly become really close with people on their hall or in their suite without meeting any other people. Those can be (and are often) great, fun people, but are not always the people who will help you to become the type of person you want to be spiritually. It is impossible to be a strong Christian alone, so seek out peers of like mind and spirit. This does not mean alienate yourself from your hall/suite mates, but do not limit your circle to them because eventually they may do something your relationship with Christ will not allow.
One of the biggest issues for college students is their limited view of consequences. We think that since actions to not bear immediate tangible affects that there is no problem with the action. We are often unable to see how the choices we make will have any bearing on our life after college, the next year, or even the following week. For this reason, many make choices that they are deceived into thinking will not make it more difficult and less likely for us to grow in God (now or later) or have healthy relationships.
-Thurston Benns, U.Va. ‘09
Finding a Support Network
I guess the hardest thing for college freshman is finding themselves alone in a very new environment. Many freshman were successful in high school and have high expectations for themselves, but when we come to college we realize that we owe part of our success to the close support group of friends and family we had back at home. Now we are in college and need to recreate that support group. I recommend for freshmen to put themselves out there and meet people. Go to any club meetings and get to know people. I have never regretted going to a club meeting because I have always come out with knowing another face on campus, or in U.Va. terms, Grounds. Joining a group is important but take your time and make sure its a group of people you are comfortable with. Don't fall into the first group. Do some "shopping". Check out different Christian organizations, or athletic clubs, or sororties/fraternities.
From my experience in college, I know that at a place like U.Va., a school with a large student body, people get overwhelmed with all the people and feel left out sometimes. I know that in high school I knew where I stood among my friends, morals, values, activities, and at school. At U.Va., it’s easy to feel lost among the thousands of brilliant peers. In college, I found people who shared the same values and interests as I did. For example, I was a runner in high school so when I came to U.Va. I wanted to join the triathlon team. I now have a couple of running and swimming buddies with whom I meet with during the week. I've expanded my horizons by doing things I really wanted to do, not because I felt obliged to do them for a resume.
But essentially, the most important part is to surround yourself with a "family" that will serve as your support group in college. Your parents will always be there for you, but they won't be moving into your dorm room and they always don't understand challenges you may be facing at school as well as your classmate who may be also suffering the same fate as your next chemistry exam is coming up! Making friends and establishing a college family is probably the best thing a freshman can do. Having close friends to count on will make your college experience all the better and you will not want to come home! (Trust me! I've only been home a week from college for the summer and I already want to go back!) But understand that it your friends may change over the years. And if you really hold someone dear to your heart, make sure they understand and keep in contact! You will always be happy to have them when you need them most!
-Celine Heckel-Jones, U.Va. ‘09
God's Commandment to Love
The most difficult issue that I've encountered in college has been how best to love others with a godly kind of love. How do I maintain relationships amidst the craziness of school? How do I set aside enough time for both my family as well as my friends? College has introduced me to people from all different walks of life, and I want to be able to love them all, to share God's love with them. So what about my homosexual friends? How do I love them as persons while disapproving of their lifestyle? Do I even have a right to disparage their lifestyle, if homosexuality indeed turns out to have a strong biological, involuntary component to it? What about my non-Christian friends? Should I hang out with them less because they're not as good of an influence on me as my Christian friends? How do I love them as God loves them?
I really have no clear answers to these questions. I'm still working on dealing with them. The only thing I know for sure is that the greatest commandment of all is to love God and others. I've learned that I need to understand how best to love God first before I can adequately love my neighbors. Only if I spend time with Him, in His Word, will His Spirit, love and grace fill me. And only then will I be able to spread that love and hope to those around me--ALL of those around me.
I need constant reminders: what I have to do today, what I should buy from the grocery store, which events and activities are taking place in the next week or so. I forget so easily. Unfortunately, this tendency also spills into my faith; I forget about the extent and depth of God's love and glory too quickly if I don't actively seek reminders of them. It's so easy to get lost in the quotidian mounds of schoolwork and extracurricular commitments. Therefore, I like the little reminders: the daily devotionals or prayer book entries which I can look to at various points throughout the day to keep my faith aflame. Flashcards with inspiring Bible verses or excerpts from vintage Christians also help me a lot. God's love is so awesome; shame on me if I ever forget to praise Him heartily for it!
There will always be work to do. The assignments, papers, and studying have no end. So, you have to make time for that which is most important to you. First of all, carve out time for God, to cultivate your relationship with Him. It will see you through all the ups and downs of collegiate life. Don't just leave some room for Him at the end of the day because, inevitably, other things will come up or you'll be too tired to be truly with Him. Also, set aside time for other people, for the relationships you develop throughout college will enrich your life tremendously. A solid support system of family and friends will ground you as you explore and learn more about yourself. I don't think anyone has ever graduated thinking, "Man, if only I had gotten an A- on that test instead of a B+!" Don't neglect your studies, of course, because that is why you're at the university, but do remember that many regrets stem from not having spent enough time with people who matter. Above all, strive for excellence, not perfection.
College is such a vibrant time of learning and loving. Stretch yourself by taking classes in different areas, joining causes you are passionate about, and befriending many different kinds of people. However, try not to forget about your priorities. As my pastor has told me on multiple occasions, "You always have time for the things that are most important to you." So, ask yourself what is most important to you. Then, make time for it. You'll certainly have an indescribably stimulating time here!
-Michelle Wang, U.Va. 09
"Every Setback is an Opportunity for Growth"
What worked: Seizing leadership opportunities. Although I didn't seek the traditional leadership roles, like student gov, Uguides, sorority leadership, etc., I created my own initiatives and led them (specifically, leading the Jackson/Atlanta spring break trips and organizing the Passion band to come on campus my first year); Be active and be a leader because we you get out of college, you will be a small fish in a big pond and it will take several years before you're truly leading something again.
What didn't work: It's almost impossible for me to say what didn't work because every challenge or setback was an opportunity for growth. I don't really regret anything. I guess I didn't do a good job of finding the right friend group in the beginning. I got quickly connected to a group of frats or girls and guys who were mostly out-of-staters from major southern cities. Although this was an easy and quick network to form, I didn't enjoy the frat party scene too much but didn't really have alternatives. Going on the spring break trips and joining the fellowship groups was a good way to find other friends, though.
My advice: Get involved with anything that interests you and force yourself into diverse groups of friends. Then, when you think you're going to have a mental breakdown at the end of your second year because you're overcommitted and spread thin, decide which of the things you care most about and which of the friends you connect the most with, and dive deeper into those. And remember that I gave you this advice and that what you are experiencing is normal... because I promise it will happen. Also, I discovered coffee in my second year of college. That was nice. I recommend it.
-Marguax Helvey, U.Va., USC Business School '08
Recognize your Calling to be a Student
I think I underestimated how difficult it would be for me to organize all of my free time. So my greatest regret is that my first two years of undergrad were really a waste academically. I didn't work hard, and did not have a good idea of what my purpose was at school (i.e. I didn't understand I was there to be a student). So I would remind incoming students that they are at university because they have been called to be a student. And though you may lack direction and not really comprehend where you may be going in the future, you make your future life more difficult for yourself if you don't learn to balance your social life and your academic life.
The problem is, I am almost positive that I received this advice about balance and the importance of working hard in school, yet I clearly did have it sink in until half my college career was over. At that point I was digging myself out of a GPA hole for my final two years. So my advice to a first-year would be to focus on where you have been called to be--a student. And recognize that this is an important calling, with significant consequences. So I'd say try and learn to take advice from others, when your natural inclination is probably to ignore it and try and figure it out yourself.
-Peter Andres, U.Va., Philsophy of Religion M.A. from the University of Chicago
Take Advantage of Opportunity
During college, I did two basic things that worked really well: I cultivated a diverse group of friends and I made school a priority. The first friend I made was a blond field hockey player from upstate New York whose blue-collar parents were card-carrying members of the N.R.A. (I have never voted Republican in a national election and my father—a geology professor at the University of Hawaii—would rather go for a hike than a hunt.) Throughout college, I made a point of seeking out the classmates that inspired me. My friends were an eclectic bunch, from vastly varied backgrounds. Not only did I have fun with them, but they taught me a lot about what life was like in their corner of the world.
I also was aware that college was going to be much harder than high school. My first semester, I worked, rowed crew, and took a full load of classes. I’ve never worked so hard for Bs in my life. I seriously worried about passing my introductory Bio course. So I stepped up my game. Since I had to work to help pay for college, quitting my job wasn’t an option. So I dropped crew (and got 20 extra hours a week right there), and tried to make sure I had a more balanced course load the following semester.
If I could do it all over again, I’d try to study abroad more (I did spend one semester in Mexico and Cuba) and to try and secure grants and internships. I graduated with honors, but was turned down for the first few jobs I applied for because I had “no office experience”. College is one of the few times in your life when you can get other people to pay for things (I had a friend who got a grant to kayak through the Artic for two weeks) so take advantage of that! I wish I did.
-Kristina Garcia Wade, Dartmouth College '04, Director of Communications for Theological Horizons and Project Manager for The Project on Lived Theology
"Christianity is a Process"
What are some of the biggest issues for college students? Identity--and all the ways it manifests itself: busyness, low self-esteem, loneliness...
What do you say to students who are struggling with their relationship with God? It depends on the struggle. But it seems to me that most students lack strong community and this isolation is detrimental to their walk with the Lord. Other students have expectations about the Christian life that are wrong. They are looking for lots of emotional feelings and doing a lot of things...I've looked at Romans 7 and Gal 5 re: the battle of the spirit and the flesh...I've also talked a lot about how Jesus isn't just giving you "feelings", he is wanting to transform your character. He really wants you to love your neighbor--that is a "spiritual" event. Related to this have been many discussions about the Christian life being mundane, everyday stuff. Christianity is a process.
What have you learned in your years as a college graduate that gives you perspective and helps you in talking with current students? Understanding that the things everyone in college thinks are the "most important things in the world" really aren't. Life doesn't end after college.
What advice would you give to incoming freshmen? Learn Jesus and keep learning him. Your identity isn't found in what you do--its found in who Christ is for you. Find a church.
-Shawn Slate, Director of University Reformed Fellowship (RUF) at U.Va.
