At the beginning of this semester, I was refreshed and ready to follow God to discern my vocation and next steps after graduation. I was motivated to apply to every job under the sun, network, spend time with God and do everything I wanted with my suddenly freed up schedule ( I mean, 14 credit hours down to 7?! A dream come true). However I had this deep feeling in my spirit that I was gonna be tested in my faith and that maybe it wouldn’t be all sunshine and rainbows..
Six tangible job rejections and countless unanswered applications later, here I am. Mere weeks away from graduation with my only instruction being to “trust Me” (God). Have I tried to add to this word myself? Yes. Have I tried to negotiate these terms? Yes. Have I tried to intentionally misinterpret what God told me? Of course. Does it ever work? Not at all.
I continue to recall all the flowery testimonies about when a person was stuck in a situation that seemed hopeless and God delivered them and it was okay. I feel like I am 2 metaphorical days before the breakthrough. Where the fervor from the beginning has died down the struggle of putting it all in front of God has fully set in.
It’s not all bad though. Even though God hasn’t come through in the way I have been expecting, He has also shown me new components of His character through this period of intentional stillness. I feel like the time spent with Him over stressing about the next step has paid off tremendously in terms of my relationship with God and myself. I’m actually seeing the fruit of the Spirit grow within me ( especially patience) as I navigate this time.
Most importantly, I have learned that my walk with God, my time in this season, the answers to my questions about vocation and what to do next… None of it is fueled by the comparison I had become accustomed to. That God’s timing in my life was never, and never will be determined by what the next person has. That was the hardest thing to let go of, especially being surrounded by other future graduates who seem to have it all figured out.
So whether these two days translate to two actual days or weeks or months (I'm still scared to say years so I won’t), God will do what He does regardless of my expectations.