Finding Purpose When It’s Hard | Sara Holt ‘27
This semester has been difficult to grapple with. Despite the many laughs and beautiful, shared moments with friends, peers, and family, I still found myself circling back to a struggle with purpose. In the midst of coursework, clinical rotations, and extracurriculars, I found it all muddling together and losing sight of why I was at this University. I wasn’t performing as well as I could in my classes. I was barely present with and for the people I called my closest friends. I felt so far from God.
This year especially, I have found myself feeling the most behind I ever have. I wondered many times if I chose the correct major. I began to compare myself to those I hold my deepest relationships with–who are in the midst of forming their post-graduate plans–while I still have another year of undergraduate education ahead. Halfway through the semester, I started to feel almost entirely hopeless, convincing myself that I was failing in the most important aspects of my life.
In a small group Bible study I colead, we recently held a study on remembering God’s love and steadfastness even in the midst of our ever-changing circumstances, highlighted in Lamentations 3:22-23. What sobered me most during the study was the realization that I am a massive hypocrite. Though I share with my girls the beauty of God’s love and the freedom it brings, especially at a school whose culture is extremely competitive and causes us to frequently question ourselves, I found myself believing none of what I was sharing. I asked myself, “How is God able to use me, who doesn’t even believe His goodness can be enough to sustain her right now?” My pride and lack of surrender spoke volumes.
Through Perkins Fellows, however, it has been an incredible reminder of what purpose truly looks like during our time here at college–and even beyond. In the middle of the semester, I was connected to a retired Nurse (thank you Christy!), of whom–on a random Monday–offered up her home and provided me with an amazing grilled-cheese-and-tomato-soup lunch. She gave me a space to share my woes and, consequently, shared her own story. It was deeply encouraging…and convicting. For her, she saw the needs of the greater Charlottesville community and the fragmented care they often received after being discharged from the hospital. She was compelled to enter into this space where she served them by following up with them, providing education, and even providing that care for them if they needed.
Through her generosity in our own meeting, and upon hearing her story, I was reminded of God’s purpose for us. It is not to serve ourselves, and what we can only hope to achieve through our own plans. While our plans are not inherently bad, God ultimately calls us into more. He calls us into deep community with one another, where we uplift one another–through prayer and words, or homemade grilled cheese sandwiches–as we go out into the world and show His love and care to others that so desperately need it…just like we still do, even in our sanctification. Our purpose is much greater than ourselves, and this time of our lives often catches us in our own bubbles, trying to fulfill our own purposes. Exam seasons are always daunting, but God’s love is always never-ceasing, and we must meditate on this truth to re-center ourselves to our ultimate purpose.
Sara pictured on the right side of the middle.